„Tell me, what are you afraid of..?“

As I was asked what I was afraid of I didn’t know what to answer. Somehow it seemed strange, because I thought about many frightening things that moment and despite the fact that I should be afraid of all those things – things like wasting my precious time or not becoming the best version of myself or that I’m not where I’m supposed to be in life – but I wasn’t. Not because all of this didn’t seem scary to me, but because I realized it’s nothing compared to the mere thought of losing a person. One person in particular..

We’re bound to each other by blood and she is one essential piece of my being. I feel her presence even if we’re miles apart. I feel awful if we fight or I can’t talk to her. And although we live in the same city, almost in the same place, I sometimes miss her so much…I miss the days when we were young and would spent everyday with each other. She is the most important part of the puzzle which is my life.

So as I thought about what I’m really scared of once again, it suddenly became so clear to me. I was never afraid, if she was around. Because I knew as long as we would be there for each other, there isn’t a thing I need to be afraid of. She is always here for me, even if she’s not physically present. Our connection is something I can’t describe in words but I know I would die for her and she would do the same for me.

As I was asked what I was afraid of I did know the answer, but I was to scared to speak it out loud. The thought of losing my sister is the one thing that scares the hell out of me! Knowing she could be gone from one second to another and this unbearable feeling which comes with it…I know sooner or later that will happen because that’s the way it is. But I need her in my life till we’re both old and wrinkly. And even if it’s one of the most selfish things to want, I need her to be with me, to hold my hand when I am scared leaving without her. I need her to hold my hand when I’m too afraid to let go. Because through everything we had to go through together, our bond did became stronger than ever and after all I just could not stand losing all this, losing her, losing in the end a part of myself..